明白了...什么都明白了

我明白了...我这个笨蛋终于明白了...谢谢你开始把暗示弄得更加明白一些...原来你根本对我一点意思都没有...原来你之前的失约 , 躲避 , 不守信...统统都是暗示...只是我GET不到...

我知道我是一厢情愿...但是你要拒绝我的话请讲明白一些...不要一直给我一些小希望又将我打入谷底...我的心不是钻石做的啊...我的心早已经比别人支离破碎了...请不要再玩弄我对他人的信任...不要让我慢慢地把我的心封闭起来可以吗??

不知道是幸运还是不幸运呢?原来我一直身处在爱与不爱之间...这个会让我的心更加难受还是更加好过?我不知道...只是知道现在我的心并没有痛...但是却比谁都难过...这种心情很难形容...只是心觉得给某种压力重重地压下来...好幸苦...喘不到气...

这种次曾相识的感觉...但是又好像是第一次的经历...哈哈...或许我的脑袋已经混淆了吧...或许人就是注定要经历这些东西吧...但是吃多少苦是上天的安排...或许是我之前走太多坏事了吧...也可能是想磨练我 , 让我变得更加出色吧...但是我不知道我还能撑多久...希望上天能再我撑不住之前让我找到一个真正的爱...

到底怎么了??

最近不知道为什么很有写blog的feel...今天又回来写了...



最近都被一些或许很无聊,没有思考价值(应该是说不应该去想)的东西烦着...烦得我都快疯了...也许是我傻...一直去想它...但是我控制不了...



今天我还活达到跟我隔吵了一架...我自认是一个很可以忍耐的人...不到我忍无可忍的时候我都不会怎么样的...但是今天因为一些平时的琐碎的是大发脾气...就像一个导火线一下爆发出来了...我知道我大哥的坏习惯...但是平时都不屑说出来...但是今天竟然都爆发了...



我真的是忍受不住我哥的坏习惯了才爆发出来的吗?还是因为最近这些事才弄得我一下子把以往所有的委屈爆发出来呢??我不知道...我看事一向都比较清(除了我本身的感情事)...但是这次我也被弄得不知所措...或许这种压逼感真的太多了...让我一时不能承受...不能面对自己...



我真的好想找一些东西发泄哦...也很想大声喊出来...我现在觉得我以前的生活方式真的太无奈,太辛苦了...但是起码我都能承受...现在的我觉悟了却找不到任何的管道去发泄...反而弄得我更痛苦...



好无奈...好辛苦...好纳闷...是因为考试前的压力吗?不会吧?握住是一科耶...而且还十拿九稳的...但是到现在我还找不到一个原因...哈哈...只好拿这个当理由吧~>_<

突然好像发泄我的感觉

好就没有来写了...真的好久好久哦...之前写blog真的是因为朋友写我才跟着写的...现在我要为我自己写...



虽然是这样说但是其实是我想把我心里的话说出来不管有没有人知道都好...在这里我真的很想跟我认识的一位女生说：“我喜欢你！！我真的好喜欢你哦！！你可以做我的女朋友吗？”



这个女生是在我一个班上认识...虽然我只是可以在这一个小时的课上偷偷看着她...但是在我没能见到他的六天里这个就是我所有的动力...每天不断地在期待着可以见到她的时间...呵呵...很傻吧？但是我都习惯了...变成一种不能缺少的生活习惯...



我也曾经试着不要让自己一直这样下去...但是不知道为什么每次一道上课的时间...无论老师或学生在前面表演或演讲我都不能专心...眼睛的视线范围里一定要有她...我真的想去认识她 ，想去跟她那电话号码但是真正认识我的人都知道我比较内向...别说女生就算是男生我都不会主动跟别人说话...我知道这个是我的缺点...也成了我去认识她的障碍...



但是我并没有放弃...我知道我没勇气去跟她说话但是我不是有面子书吗...用面子书交谈应该会更简单吧...但是我找了很久很久都找不到她的名字...她在名单上的名字我不能在面子书上找到...这真的让我大受打击...让我一度觉得我们是有缘无份...


或许是天意吧...有一天我竟然无意中听到她的英文名...我终于在面子书上找到她了...这份喜悦对我来说好像中了六合彩一般...我心想:这样我就有机会跟她谈天,交心,等等...可是她真的是一个很特别的女孩...她不常上线...上线的时间也很短...我每次都只能在她上线的几分钟跟她交谈...但是对我来说已经算不错了...她肯跟我这个闷蛋说话已经很好了...如果是别的女生可能就会马上不理我了...


她真的越来越来吸引我...我慢慢的就从好感变成了爱慕...我真的好想去保护她 , 爱护她...但是我已经没有见到她一段日子了...真的好想好想她噢...不知道为什么每天都在想她...想得我都快疯了...不知道''日有所思 , 夜有所梦''是不是真的呢? 因为我已经连续梦见她好几天了...我这个人平时都很少发梦的...却在这几天都这样...不知道是好事还是坏事呢?>.<



虽然我知道她是单身...但是也得知她有很多追求者...或许我的条件不比别人好...但是我喜欢你的感觉绝不会输给任何人...我知道现在我们的感情还没有发展到那种地步...但是我会让她慢慢的喜欢上我...我是一个对感情很认真的人...就算别人说我傻我也是...这样绝不辜负你...希望她是第一个...也是最后一个让我这么心动的女生...

COMPLICATED

Nowadays i really do not know how about others feelings...Keep trying to protect each others form quarreling and hating each others...Of course including me...Sometimes i wish to reverse to the time we all just met...At that time we can chat everything...No quarrels and does not hurt each others feelings...Those times are still so fresh and i could not forget it...

Friendship really is a complicated thing...We find each others so hard and finally become a group of friends...We become friends by a tough and hard road...But now...this memorable relationship starts broken because of some problems...Actually, these problems can be solve by having a heart to heart talk to each others...I wonder why these problems become bigger and bigger...

I really hope that these problems can be solve as soon as possible...Although I know a hard, strong and deep friendship needs to form by passing through these problems...But I am more preferring those friendship which is not so deep...Because these type of friendship would not pass through so many complicating problems and can join in or excuse yourself easily...

School open again

After 3 days celebrating Chinese new year , then go back to UTAR life...UTAR life is really really boring...Thus , UTAR's canteen didn't open for these days...all foundations students have to walk to somewhere near TESCO to have breakfast and lunch....

Finaly , this week lecture have end so soon , but as this week ends...All students have to face another problem....That is the Mid-term is coming at the next week....all of us must put more efforts to the Mid-term...and all of us have a group study at "J" house...

P.S: Actually , we juz study for a while and keep chatting to each others....That group study is like a pillow talk among us.....XD

Emo

Nowadays all groups members become so down and Emo...all of us can't sleep at night...go to the lake and have some pillow talk...

Joan...our madam...call us to the lake and talk about ourselves...That night 'S' looked a bit upset and seens have some relationship problems through...We try to cheer her up but its useless...as a friend...i feel sad because cannot help her to settle this problem...

So , i send her some jokes....Although this is not a good solution to cheer her but i cannot figure out what i can do for her...